I’ve jumped 1,832,712 spots on Alexa to 7,853,712. I’m so over the top happy I’m going to go drink something.

Jonathan Blum at CNNMoney.com for this AMAZING piece of excrement, he would like to call an article.

I’ll pick it apart.

Jonathan: Getting the Mac down to business
No matter what you do with a Mac, you have to face Apple’s peculiar vision of all things computerish. First off, the packaging is seriously overdone: The slogan “Designed by Apple in California” posivitively shouts at you from the box. Like I care.

Me: Um… Well, like has ANYTHING to do with whether a Mac can perform a business function…

Jonathan: Once out of the box, the iMac is lovely; the keyboard in particular is my hands-down favorite. And the screen is an excellent value - although hardly the absolute best on the market, as Apple makes it out to be. But why should locating the “on” switch be such a struggle? Just stick the thing where I, and my employees, can find it: right up front.

Me: You can’t find the “on” button because it’s not on the front of the computer? Seriously? And yet you can still find your way to the keyboard to type this up? Absolutely astonishing… Really.

Jonathan: But - as ever, with Apple boxes - there were not enough USB ports. I was forced to dump my USB hard drive in favor of an Ethernet enablement unit.

Me: Seriously? You are going to say that it’s not good for business because it’s shy 1 USB Port? Did you know there are two more ports under your keyboard? Do you have a Firewire port on that external hard drive? It’s going to be twice as fast anyway? Did you ever think about looking into that?

Jonathan: Then came the software issues. We found that Citrix’s (CTXS) GoToMyPC, my shop’s VPN (virtual private network) tool, was unstable on our iMac. Our Web-based backup service, Mozy, did not support Mac solutions when I started testing, but has since released an upgrade. In general, I found the same number of driver issues as I did with my Vista upgrade from Windows XP last year - with both systems, you’ll need to do some tweaking to get everything on track.

Me: This is sorta of convoluted.. I’m going to throw a bunch of stuff out there and say it doesn’t work and it sucks. But here is the real issue. I’m not a Citrix person however, I know a few things about VPN and usually that’s not an issue on a Mac. I have connected to VPNs using Mac, Linux, Windows and Cisco servers and not really found anything to be “unstable.” As for drivers? Drivers for what? What does he need drivers for exactly? He hasn’t really mentioned anything and there are no specifics, but I haven’t had much of a problem finding drivers for things. But I know what I’m doing with a Mac and I’m afraid to say, Johnathan doesn’t. Can someone head over to his place and lend a hand? Anytime you upgrade a computer, any computer, there is going to be some tweaking to be done. Go figure, again, not a reason not to put it in a business environment.

Jonathan: Next up: the desktop work environment. No question, running native 64-bit Apple code on the Mac is blazing. Using Apple’s Safari browser to access the Web via my superfast Verizon (VZ, Fortune 500) FiOS optical Web connection was rippin’ quick - faster, in fact, than on my Sony (SNE) PC. If your business is into heavy desktop research or drives weighty applications for graphics or video, Macs are definitely worth considering.

Me: He just goes over the edge here and comes off sounding like Macs are only good for… Wait for it, that classic response, Graphics and Video… Bah… He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Yes the Mac does those things well, it always has, but that has nothing to do with the OS, well, not COMPLETELY to do with the OS or Hardware, that’s the software that is running on it. Applications from Adobe, Quark and others that have made the platform strong in that area. But this is a non-argument. He’s just trying to make something up and put the thought in people’s head that Macs are only good for what they have always been good for. I have a lawyer’s office that will tell you different.

Jonathan: But again, there are issues: Offsetting all this speed are some curious features clearly not aimed at the average small business. The desktop is divided into quadrants that extend beyond the screen’s edge. Only with some complex keyboard commands can I slide from one to another. All the goofy Apple-centric commands leave PC-trained users constantly fighting to parse out what the control, option and command keys do. And there is the very odd mouse. Apple devotees swear by the touch-sensitive shell of the “Mighty Mouse,” but its top left- and right-click buttons still look an awful lot like just one.

Me: Seriously? Spaces isn’t aimed at the small business owner? The people I know that use Spaces the most are small business owners. Spaces is a PRODUCTIVITY setting, nothing more and it is turned off by default when you start the system. So he turned this on, manually, to complain about it. A “Complex Keyboard Command” would be Command+Arrow? um, No, this doesn’t qualify, and he’s starting to really annoy me, I hope I an finish this article without having an aneurism. Besides you can use the Menu Bar to change windows and can setup either a screen corner or several other options as well. He’s making this look more difficult than it is and again, it’s an option that isn’t turned on by default. Then he goes on to discuss the fact that a Mac isn’t good for business because he doesn’t agree with the design decision of Apple? That doesn’t remotely make sense and I don’t know how he can justify that. Not that he’s justifying it, he’s just making the statement for people to fire off at him so his article is “popular.”

Jonathan: The real eye-rolling winner is Time Machine, quite possibly the silliest operating system extension in history. Must I really sit through a full round of special effects - the desktop slides away to reveal some mysterious star in full supernova disappearing into infinity behind my various backups - just to find a what I said to a client in a lost e-mail? Honestly.

Me: You don’t use Time Machine to search for an email unless it’s something that you deleted. This is just nonsense. Time Machine is a backup system for your Mac to help you recover lost information. Spotlight is the built in technology to help him find a message to someone that he needs to reference. Again, he needs someone to explain the computer to him and shouldn’t be writing an article on how the Mac is bad for business as an “Expert” that he claims in the first paragraph.

Jonathan: Yes, more businesses can now go to Macs - I would say they now make sense for maybe 20 companies out of 100, up from just 5 a few years back. But for the rest of us - particularly those that need basic computing and basic features - Apple is still more expensive and simply not worth the integration headaches for the average small shop.

Me: You can’t make this statement because there are solutions to the problems even YOU encountered Jonathan. Like Missing Sync, that might help you with your Blackberry issues, or “other” software to work with your “Other” stuff. In the previous paragraph you mention Excel as a problem. Well, I can already see where you are going with this and don’t waste our time. You are going to gripe about how Excel 2008 for Mac doesn’t support VBA Macros. And while yes this is the case, I’m sure you are going to find a way to spend 1000+ words in your next article explaining why this is a core reason why Macs aren’t good for business. Save us the time, you the energy and skip it, you don’t know what you are talking about, call someone for help and realize that maybe you should ask before you throw junk at people.

Jonathan: Windows Vista, properly installed and used in tandem with Web-based productivity tools, is a powerful, powerful alternative.

Me: I have used Vista, I know Vista, and Vista, is no POWERFUL alternative to anything, and that includes using paper, pencil, and snailmail. Ok, so it might be better than NOTHING. Honestly, if you are using it with “Web-based productivity tools” its not going to matter if you use Mac or Windows Vista, XP, blah blah blah, unless those applications are specifically written to only work with IE 5/6/7.

In the end, don’t believe a word this guy is saying. I would bet that if I spent 3 days with him I could work through the VAST majority of his issues in short order. And it probably won’t even take that long. This just proves that he just didn’t know what he was doing and is blaming that on the Mac. I’m all for admitting the Mac’s shortcomings, things like no Microsoft Access, No VBA, and a few other points. However, for the most part, these things can be solved by using VMWare or Parallels to run the Windows applications you need to run until you find a native Mac solution.